Thursday, 3 May 2012

The Coming of a New Hero

Supposedly, I'm a grown up, but I don't think so. I still have plans for what I want to be if and when I become one.

I'd like to be a ninja, I think. Who's also a princess. Not a princess by birth, but somebody who earned their way into being a princess. Not through marriage, necessarily, just somebody who was given her own country to rule, because she's awesome like that. But then I would have to go incognito because I wouldn't want to have everyone always watching me and writing tabloids. That would be extremely tiring. And don't forget I'd also be a ninja and a visible ninja just isn't a good ninja. Unless you're Naruto. If you're so powerful that you can pick up a monster a hundred times your size and fling it over your shoulder like you're swatting a fly, and you're so quick that you can dodge a wall of knives and ninja stars coming at you faster than you can fall down, well, then you don't need to be sneaky anymore.

But I'm not quite that good yet. I'd actually have to wear clothes that camouflaged me instead of a bright orange sweatsuit. And to be honest, I don't think I'd have the guts to kill anyone unless they were like, actively attacking some kids or something. And even then I'd probably just fly into a craze and flail around in random directions, instead of actually trying to kill the attacker. I'd be better as a ninja-thief than as a ninja assassin.

So really, I'd be more like Batman. Or Batgirl, as the case may be. I'd have an alter-ego and not kill anyone. But this is still problematic because I don't really know if I'd have the sheer determination necessary to become a ninja batgirl, either. Navy SEAL training sounds tough enough, and they don't even dodge bullets. Konoha ninjas get hucked off cliffs to help them learn stuff and even if normal ninjas don't do that, I bet I'd still get hurt. Bruce Wayne spent years in a Japanese prison and climbing mountains without the proper attire. Doesn't sound pleasant to me. Not to mention an awful lot of work.

Sigh. It'd be nice if I just woke up and could do all these things, but then the whole satisfaction of saying, "I accomplished this," would go out the window because really, it had nothing to do with me. I would have just gotten lucky. But then, there's a lot less pressure on you if you just get lucky than if you have to work for everything. Actually, if I woke up one morning and could do all those crazy things, I might think that I'd been operated on by aliens while I slept. And if I started telling people that aliens altered my biology, then my credibility would be totally shot, true or not, and nobody would make me a princess.

I'd also enjoy being able to speak, like 27 languages. I'd be the female Daniel Jackson of the real world. But I wouldn't get killed so often, because I'd just fly away to my palace like the ninja-thief batgirl I was. Even if it was a stolen palace because nobody gives palaces away freely to somebody they think is a raving lunatic.

So you can see, I have a few kinks in my plan to work out before I can actually grow up. But we'll get there.

"Be what you would seem to be - or, if you'd like it put more simply - never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise." Lewis Carroll

1 comment:

Art said...

Is being a superhero and a ninja mutually exclusive? I suspect neither is likely in your career path.