Saturday, 11 February 2012

Coffee Making Curriculum

All of us over at Timmy Ho's have been handling the new 24 ounce XL size fairly well. It's not really that confusing, in theory. Even four-and-a-half-year-old habits aren't that hard to break so long as you have a multitude of visual reminders strategically placed in every nook and corner.

There really is a kind of order to our thinking, but thanks to the fact that our store is only partially through the process of upgrading to resized paraphernalia, and has always been a bit of a malfunctioning ghetto, we aren't currently able to express that ordered thinking in standard Tim Horton's lingo. We function just fine, but suppose we suddenly got a newbie with no prior Timmy's experience?

His name would be Franz (like one of those five babies from 2010. Not like the one from Fire Emblem). Suppose he's an eager-to-please high schooler with blond hair and big, wide blue eyes. It's his first day on the job.

Customer: I'll have a large double-double and a medium hot chocolate with one-and-a-half milks, please.

Me: Franz, please make us a large double-double.

Franz: Right away.

Me: Use the second largest cup.

Franz: And I put in two sugar and two cream.

Me: Yes, except you put in the wrong amount of sugar.

Franz: I hit the button for the second largest portion twice.

Me: I know, but the machine disagrees with your reasoning. To make a large with two sugar, you actually need to use the button for the one that looks like an extra-large portion twice. If you were making an extra-large, then you'd use two small and two medium shots of sugar, which are labelled as medium and large on the machine.

Franz: Oh. Then why do you call them small and medium?

Me: Because that's what they are. But not with the cream. For the cream, you use the second largest portion, unless you're using the machine for counter. Then you use the largest potion for a large and two each of the second largest and second smallest, which you can call either small and medium or medium and large.

Franz: Um... ok. Start again, please. What do I use?

Me: I'll show you. Since we're standing at the drive-thru, for a large double-double, we use two of the apparently extra-large sugars, and two large creams.

Franz: Isn't the second largest cream for the large coffee?

Me: Yes.

Franz: Then why did you use the middle one and the largest one?

Me: Because I hit the wrong button first, so I offset the smaller size by using the largest.

Franz: Oh, this helps me be not confused.


Franz: No need to yell, Carla.

Me: Sorry.

Franz: So here it is? One large double-double? Now it needs to be stirred.

Me: Good. And put a large lid on it.

Franz: It won't fit.

Me: That's because you need to put a lid that says "XL" on it.

Franz: Doesn't that mean "extra-large"?

Me: It used to, but now it means just large. The smaller ones that don't say anything are the true extra-larges.

Franz: Go figure.

Me: And now the medium hot chocolate with one-and-a-half milks.

Franz: That's the medium sized cup, right?

Me: Of course. What else would it be?

Franz: Is the milk as complicated as the cream?

Me: No. Just one medium milk, and then one extra-small milk. Unless you're using the counter machine. Then you don't use the machine.

Franz: How does that work?

Me: You just eye-ball it.

Franz: Ok. How's this?

Me: Too much.

Franz: This?

Me: Too little.

Franz: Now?

Me: Too much.

Franz: Arrrgh!!

Me: Just a smidgen less, really. Don't get upset.

Franz: I am so not getting the hang of this.

Me: But you're almost done! Just fill it with hot chocolate, now.

Franz: This hot chocolate looks funny.

Me: Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you that to get hot chocolate you need to dispense from the English Toffee machine.

Franz: What?!

Me: You get English Toffee if you dispense from the hot chocolate spout.

Franz: Who decided that?! You mean I have to make it again? *begins to sob*

Me: No, no, Franz! Don't cry! I'll do it for you. Here, just mark me a medium lid.

Franz: *sniffs* Fine.

Me: Um, that's a small.

Franz: *wails*

Customer: Oh, wait! I meant a medium coffee and a small hot chocolate!

"If you put sugar in my coffee, I will throw it in your face!" Nasty Lady at Tim's today


Unknown said...

Poor Franz.... :(

Wilkie said...

Hahahahaha....oh, man!

art said...

Who knew it would be so complicated? Maybe it should be Dr. Franz.